Just A Midnight Rant

Berlin Falls, White Mountains, New Hampshire, ...

Berlin Falls, White Mountains, New Hampshire, from Robert N. Dennis collection of stereoscopic views (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


It’s 12:02 am at the end of the week and I’m having trouble sleeping.

It may be because I’m overcome in my mind by so many things, so many beautiful things.

My lovely wife is laying awake too.  She’s 7 & 1/2 months pregnant with our first child and daughter, Charlotte Sofia White.  I can already guess that Charlotte is a mover and a shaker.  She loves to kick around in the womb.

We moved away from our home in between Akron and Cleveland Ohio almost exactly a year ago.  Now we live in the White Mountains of New Hampshire in a town called Conway.  We both often have moments when we miss home, like one misses childhood innocence.  But we are doing well in our new home, and are reminded that Jesus had no real home on earth.  I suppose all of us humans need a home on earth though.

The worries of fatherhood continue to creep towards me like a raccoon towards a midnight dumpster.  Will we make it financially?  Will Charlotte turn out to be as wild as her old man, or will she be sensible like her Mom was?  How much is having a kid going to change our lives?  Am I really ready for it?

I’m a pastor at a church in New Hampshire also.  New Hampshire is the second most “unchurched” state in the country, right behind Vermont, which is number one.  My life of irony in going against the grain continues.  Great things are happening in our little church.  We’re growing closer to Jesus and each other.  I think we’re becoming a blessing to the community around us too, as far as I can tell.

3 maple leaf cookies and one glass of milk later.  It’s 12:15 am.  Maybe it’s time to give that bed another try.


5 thoughts on “Just A Midnight Rant

  1. I can’t speak for some of your concerns, Benito, but I have no doubt you’ll make a wonderful father. Whether Charlotte is wild or sensible, you’ll know what to do with her. After all, who better to parent a wild child than a former one who became sensible?

    Ohio misses you too friend, a whole bunch.

  2. Nothing in the whole wide worldcan prepare you for parenthood. There is no amount of money, experience, sleep, or maple cookies to prepare you for what you are about to embark on as a father. You will be fine. We all manage. Financially, we all grow into kids…. they get more expensive as we roll along… luckily they start out relatively cheap. Luckily kids don’t NEED a lot… although they might want stuff. They really just need food, shelter, security and love.

    The most important thing you need to be doing right now is sleeping… because in 2-3 months you will be more exhausted than any other time in your life.

    As for Ohio… I miss it too although I happen to be in hudson right now. For a crummy little town with not much to do, it is home. 🙂 one of the best things d.h. and I ever did was move far far away, have a baby, and learn to truly live on our own far away from all family and friends. It has a way of making us more dependent on our relationship with the Father… and helps us appreciate our close family and friends all the more.

    • Here here girl 🙂 Thanks for the great advice, encouragement and dose of reality all at the same time! I hear you on all of it. Glad to be embarking on the great journey and be understood while it’s happening 🙂

  3. It cut me off beforei was done 🙂

    You will be a great father! Your life experiences will be a great guide.
    The best and most important thing to do is lift up all of your concern and worries and fears to the Lord. Fear is one foothold the devil can utilize to destroy our faith! You need not fear. God will provide you and your family with exactly what you need… and exactly when you need it… not sooner and not later. Trust in the Lord your God! Turn over your insecurities, fear, and anxieties to Him and have faith, brother. He knows what you need and when you need it. And don’t forget to ask too! It is not selfish to pray for yourself and your family. ❤ +

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